With Richard in Ohio
With Richard in Michigan
215 lbs.
June 14, 2002
Lost 136 Pounds!
Before: 296 lbs.
After: 160 lbs.
Lost: 136 lbs.
30-35 still to go
Nicole reached goal!
We need that new picture, Nicole!
years old, and I'm a student at the University of Findlay, where I also work part time in day care. In
1-1/2 more years, I plan to graduate with a major in Nuclear Medicine and Nutrition, and after
that, I hope to go to medical school to become a pediatrician.
I've been overweight since childhood. In the first grade, I weighed 40 pounds, like many first
graders, but I started gaining in the second grade and went up to 80 pounds before the end of the
year. It just got out of control from that point.
I had a rough time growing up because my brother, who was only 2 years older than me, kind of
ran our whole household. He physically, emotionally, and verbally abused me, so I would retreat to
my room to get away from him. I felt safe in my room, so I locked myself in it, and I ate in an
attempt to numb the pain in my heart. I hated going to school because the kids there made fun of
me, and I hated coming home because my brother abused me.
I tried turning to my father many times during my childhood, but that wasn't helpful. I would beg
him to be the father and not to allow my brother to have so much power, but nothing ever
changed. If I would complain about being hit, I was usually the one to get in trouble for whining
about it, or I would get blamed for somehow provoking it. I knew that what I was going through
was not normal and I knew that I didn't deserve it, but I didn't have the strength to do anything to
change it. As I grew older, I got heavier and heavier.
I didn't have much of a life. I didn't really care about myself. I stayed at home almost all of the
time. I was very lonely and sad, and I felt secluded from everyone. I was always upset and depressed. I
lost sight of everything, including my goals and dreams.
High school was very hard for me. It is a rough time for most teenagers, but the added stress of
being overweight and dealing with my home life was a bit overwhelming for me. My grades had
always been important to me, but at this time, they became less important. I was just concerned
with trying to make it through the day. Once I was able to drive, I found myself skipping classes
and sleeping through them in my car. Food was so accessible at this point, and I gained a lot of
weight during this time. I didn't have a whole lot of fun during these years. I never went to a
football game or to any dance, including the prom. I didn't even go to my graduation! I told
everyone that I was sick so that I wouldn't have to face it.
I had tried to lose weight for a long time, but I was always up and down. Richard had been a part of
my life forever! When I was only 4 or 5, my mom used to sit me down in front of the TV to watch
"Sesame Street", but I would flip the channels until I found Richard. I called him "Mr. Curly",
because I didn't know his name. My mom didn't understand, but I said, "I like him, and I'm going
to be friends with him someday!" I actually wrote my first letter to Richard on my 12th birthday!
We corresponded back and forth through the mail for a few years.
When I was 16, I went to meet Richard in person! He was in Chicago. I said to a friend, "Do you
want to go for a ride?" She had no idea where we were going, but we ended up at the Rialto Square
Theater where Richard was teaching an exercise concert! I'll never forget meeting him that first
time after dreaming about it for so long. He asked what my name was, and I said, "Nicole." He said,
"Where are you from?" I answered, "Cleveland." "Nicole Alexander?" he exclaimed. "Oh, my God!"
Then we just cried.
After that, I started traveling to see him quite frequently. It was still a bad situation with my
brother, but I found some reprieve in the road trips I took to see Richard. He was always kind to me
and there for me, even though I couldn't make the commitment to lose weight. My family could
never understand why I traveled so much and so far to see him. Richard was the only male in my
life who showed me respect. I felt that he genuinely cared about me and believed in me. His hugs
were healing for me, and each hug through the years helped me to feel a little more hope. He made
me feel happiness that I had never before experienced. All of that was enough to make me go
anywhere that I could to see him.
My turning point came when I was 23. I was sick all the time, and I started having real bad chest
pains. I went to the doctor, and my cholesterol was over 300! He pushed me to have surgery,
saying, "You can't do this on your own. There is no way!" He said all those things that doctors say
when they want you to do the surgery. "You'll just keep gaining weight and die!"
I got scared. I didn't believe in the surgery, and I wasn't having it - no way! But the doctor's words
were a shock to me, and somehow, I found belief in myself! I'm very competitive, so when he told
me that I couldn't do it on my own, proving to him and everybody else that I could became my
goal!
I was at my heaviest weight in December, 2001. For the next year, I basically just did little things,
like increasing my water intake and trying to do my exercise and eat a little bit better. Part of me
wasn't ready to do it, so I still wasn't totally committed at that time. I was losing weight, but it was
not consistent. In April of 2002, I made a commitment to drinking only water, which meant that
I had to give up the 18 cans of pop a day that I was totally addicted to! Just by making that change
alone, I lost 20 pounds in 1 month! It's now been nearly 2 years since I have had anything to drink
besides water.
This past summer was my second turning point. I was having a very rough time, and I was in a rut
that I never believed I could escape. There was a lot of stuff happening in my life, and I hit rock
bottom emotionally. At that point, I knew I wasn't giving it my all with the weight loss. I knew I
had to learn to separate my emotions from my weight loss journey if I wanted to succeed and
finally get healthy. I was tired of playing games with my health, and I decided that this time was
going to be different. I was willing to shift my focus from my emotions to my physical well-being,
and that's exactly what I did.
I made a plan. I wrote down how much I was going to exercise every day. I started planning my
meals and sticking to the plan, and I increased my water intake to a gallon of water per day.
Most importantly, I knew that I needed a break from everything and everybody. I had to create
some time to focus on me if I wanted to achieve all of my goals, including the weight loss. I wrote
all my friends and told them they probably wouldn't be hearing from me for a couple of months,
and that once I was ready and had accomplished what I needed to do, I would be back. Most of my
friends understood and supported my decision, so I took that time I needed for me. That's when
everything changed for the better!
I took time to reflect on my life. I did a lot of writing and a lot of crying. I listed all my dreams on a
piece of paper, and on the other side of the sheet, I wrote down everything I needed to do to
achieve each one. I saw that I had been allowing my emotions to dictate my success, and I knew I
couldn't do that anymore. You can have your exercise and your food and your water, and that's all
good, but you have to have something for your emotions. That's what stopped me every time! I
learned to write or listen to music or do something that calmed me when I got upset, but I didn't
cop out on exercise or eat anything extra, because I knew that wasn't going to help. That would
only put me back into the vicious cycle that I was desperately trying to escape.
I spent two months focusing on me. I really didn't know if that was going to be enough time, but
it was. I accomplished so much! I got my head together. My attitude and outlook on life drastically
improved, and I found the strength to overcome much of the pain from earlier in my life. I learned
how to truly forgive people, including myself, and how to move forward in life without living in
the shadows from the past. I read a quote that stated "Happiness is not a destination; it is a way of
life." Those simple words had such an impact on me. I had been searching for happiness all my life,
and I had been waiting for it to someday come to me. But happiness was something that I needed
to feel everyday, and I learned how to do that!
I wrote to my friends and told them that I was now ready to come back into their lives. I went to
see Richard at this time as well. For so many years I couldn't make him proud, and it was important
for me to one day be able to do so. I had lost 25 pounds since I had last seen him, and I was truly
happy! He said that I was looking good, and that he was proud! That day made me feel a huge sense
of accomplishment!
Exercise was always the hardest thing for me. I could get the food and water down, but I wasn't
always as consistent with the exercise. I needed to make a plan that would help me get as much
activity as I should. I decided to sign up for exercise classes at school. I knew if it was going to go
toward my GPA, I would move! I took cardio kickboxing, a walking class, and body toning all at
the same time!
That was one of the best things I ever did. So much happened in those 16 weeks. I got stronger, and
I built up my self-confidence a whole lot. In my body toning class, I had started out using
5-pound weights, and at the end of 16 weeks, I was using the 12-pound and 15-pound weights for
the duration of class! Some of my classmates who were "fit" never increased their weights, but it's
all in how bad you want something, and I wanted it! I totally fell in love with exercise during that
time, and now I don't miss a day!
I kept writing to Richard and going to see him throughout my whole journey. He's been so patient
with me. If I had been him, I probably would have walked away from me a long time ago. I was not
the most pleasant person to be around. I was always so negative and uncommitted and
inconsistent. He definitely proved his loyalty to me numerous times, and he never gave up on me.
It took me a very long time to get to the point that I am at now, but the fact is that I DID get
here. Some people wait forever for this. I waited 13 years, but I am finally here and plan on staying
here forever! I recently went back and read some of the things that I wrote to Richard during that
negative period, and I couldn't believe that was me. It shows me how far I have come, though, and
I am grateful to be able to see it all from a different perspective.
I've lost 136 pounds so far, and I think I'd like to lose 30-35 more pounds! I really don't have a set
number because I've never been thin. I'll just stop when I'm comfortable with my weight.
My life is exciting now! I look forward to every day. I can be active instead of always sleeping. I used
to sleep to pass the time. Now I don't have any time to pass! I'm busy all the time! I'm more
outgoing. Before I was really shy and reserved because I always felt like I was being judged.
One of my goals was to go back to school. I always wanted to be a pediatrician, but I had given up
hope. I didn't believe that I could do it. I'm working on my education again, and I believe anything
is possible if I put my mind to it! Next fall, I'm starting a group at school to help kids and teens
with food and weight issues! One day I hope to have a place of my own where they can come and
feel safe and learn about nutrition and exercise. That is my true passion. I want to make a difference
in their lives so that they can live life happier and healthier.
If you're trying to lose weight, remember that it's okay to take it slow. I tried to be a perfectionist
for years. I thought if the day wasn't perfect, you started over again tomorrow, but that didn't get
me anywhere. It's the little steps that add up that really make a difference. That was very hard for
me to learn.
Never stop believing in yourself, no matter how many times you've tried before. It will eventually
happen! Just sit down and think about what's holding you back. Make a plan of what you'll do to
change that.
Educate yourself as much as possible about nutrition and exercise. It's easier to do when you fully
understand the impact that it has on your body.
Remember that Richard is always there to give us the spark, but we must take that spark and use it
to ignite our own flame!
I would like to thank all of my friends in the Clubhouse for everything that you have done! You all
have helped me in so many ways throughout the years. I love you all and appreciate you very
much. And to Richard, thank you for always being here for me, as well as so many others. You have
been a true blessing in my life. I love you!
NICOLE'S TOP 3 TIPS FOR SUCCESS!
1. Keep a positive attitude and an optimistic outlook! Together, they'll get you through the rough
times.
2. Plan everything and write it all down! Everything flows easier when you have a written plan to
follow.
3. Don't allow emotions or circumstances to dictate your success!
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